OH NO THEY DIDN'T – A TUSCAN NIGHTMARE
For our first installment of Oh No They Didn't – a weekly feature where we take a look at some interiors that are, shall we say, less than appealing – we're shooting fish in a barrel and going for the very easy target of “Mediterranean Luxury”. But we have good reason for this, we promise! A lot of people are now moving away from the “Tuscan” style that was so popular a decade ago and instead opting for modern styles like transitional or midcentury modern. So let's take a look at how homeowners today believe people in Tuscany live.... warning: there's a lot of sponged paint and fringed pillows.
I'm easing you into it with this image. There are certain parts of this room that are actually acceptable,like that reclaimed beam mantelpiece. We here at M.Swabb can get behind a reclaimed beam mantelpiece like nobody's business! But when you start propping Italianate Renaissance oil paintings in Rococo frames on top of said mantelpieces... that's where we have a problem. Let's all face facts here, that painting is not some masterpiece by Carravagio (thank you, Art History degree!) passed down through your family for generations and generations. Because if it is,you'd at least mount it on the wall, right? That thing is two feet above an open flame right now. We also don't have a huge problem with the rug, and the wingback chairs - while not in the fabric of our choice - are not exactly hideous. A wingback is a wingback, right? But let's talk about the big sponged elephant in the room – why are you sponge painting your walls? If you want to make your house feel like a beautiful Italian villa, that's fine, we here at M.Swabb are all about making dreams come true, but sponge painting your walls to look like old Italian marble is just a continent too far! If you want a Mediterranean feel in your house, why not opt for something like this living room we put together in San Diego.
Oh hey look! A karate chopped pillow! We like those! Except wait, why is that pillow bordered in fringe and in a matching fabric to the curtains, the sofa, the valances, the throw blanket....moving on. The sad thing about this picture is that the outside looks beautiful, but our view to it is blocked by about three thousand things, including an urn of flowers on some sort of fancy pedestal, an oversized fluted coffee table with unconvincing glasses of red wine (“We drink red wine! We're Tuscan!”), and what looks like a reclining naked cherub.
We hope that, unless you actually live in Tuscany, you are moving away from the sponged walls, the fringed pillows, and the fake Italian oil paintings. It's 2015, people, let's all pretend we live in the 60s instead!